Here’s a quick life update since I disappeared seven months ago…
I know I’ve been MIA, but a lot has been happening! As I mentioned in my last post, I am no longer coaching gymnastics. Back in October right after my shoulder surgery, I felt like that door was closing and another one was opening. I had no idea when or where, but I knew it was time to move on. Over the past three years, I’ve really wanted to pursue a career in teaching Pilates, but with my coaching schedule in the past, that was virtually impossible. But after I quit my job, my husband and I began researching Pilates certifications, and the Lord led me to the most AMAZING place. In January, I began my certification process, and I’m finishing my trainings this weekend! Now, I still have LOTS of teaching hours to get in before I test out to get my full certification in December, but I’m having a blast! Teaching Pilates has allowed me to reconnect with friends that I wasn’t in contact with for years! It’s been so challenging and out of my comfort zone, but this whole process has had Jesus written all over it. For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel confident in who He created me to be. And I love having the opportunity to live out my passion of fitness and teaching through becoming a Pilates instructor.
All that being said, I still have my passion for gymnastics. Always have, always will. It will always have a piece of me. And I’m okay with that. But more than that, I have a passion for gymnasts and hopefully helping them walk confidently and successfully through challenges that I’ve faced myself. Not just in gymnastics, but also in life. This confidence isn’t found in yourself or knowing all the answers to the difficulties you’re facing. It’s a confidence that Jesus has your back. NO MATTER WHAT.
I’m writing because Jesus reminded me of this in the most tangible way tonight. Long story short, the past three years have been the most difficult, yet most beautiful years of my life. In the past three years, I’ve struggled with ENORMOUS amounts of anxiety and fear. My family completely fell apart. Everything I grew up with for over 20 years suddenly collapsed. I started realizing the amount of anxiety I had wasn’t just because of the situation my family was in, although it amplified it to the max. I became keenly aware of the anxiety that has plagued me my entire life.
Add to that, I was planning a wedding and about to get married in the midst of all this. My sweet husband… I’m so thankful for his unconditional love and support through that time in my life. He is the most incredible gift God has ever given me. He’s the beautiful part of that story.
And so is Jesus. Now, coming out on the other side of things, I see Jesus’ love through it all. Even though it felt like He up and left me, He never did. He used my pain in that season of my life and made something beautiful out of it. He showed me my anxiety. Not to shame me. Not to hurt me. But to free me. He spoke to me during that time and I remember His words so clearly: “I care more about your freedom than your comfort.” I’m so thankful He was patient with me. In my crying, in my doubting, in my worst days, He was there fighting the battle against anxiety with me. And He still is…
All that to say, I still struggle with anxiety. It’s a billion times better than it was, but it likes to rear it’s ugly head from time to time. And some days that leads to me really struggling to understand God’s love.
You know the song you learned when you were a two-year-old, “Jesus Loves Me”?
Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.
For the past few weeks, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “Maybe I just need to sing that song over my life again. Jesus loves me. But that’s so simple. That’s ridiculous…” I honestly kind of laughed at the thought.
I didn’t sing it. It was a fleeting thought. But it came more than once. And I dismissed it every time.
Fast forward to today. Hillsong Young & Free came out with a new album a couple of weeks ago. I really started digging in and listening to it today in my car. And it’s INCREDIBLE. Sean had a work meeting tonight, so I just hopped on my computer and wanted to play some music. I pulled up the album on Spotify and was scrolling through the songs.
#7 – Jesus Loves Me.
Um… What? I looked up the lyrics and lo and behold, it was a modern day version of the classic “Jesus Loves Me.” I felt Jesus smiling at me laughing a little. “Simple and ridiculous, huh, Tyler?”
It’s the simplest things sometimes. He’s the still small voice saying, “I love you.” And tonight, I want to remind you that He loves you, too. In your gymnastics, in your everyday life, He loves you. He’s got your back.
Sometimes we need to go back to the basics…
“Jesus loves me, this I know.”