My insecurities never fully go away. Sometimes they dull. And sometimes they rage. And they’ve been raging the past couple of days. I think, for me, what it boils down to, is the question, “Am I enough?” And that question always has a fill in the blank.
“Am I good enough?”
“Am I smart enough?”
“Am I pretty enough?”
“Am I doing enough?”
“Am I strong enough?”
I’ve trained myself to believe that those questions are answered by other people. By their opinion of me. By their impression of me. By their perception of me.
So of course I always feel this perpetual need to measure up. But why do these things matter so much? Why do I let them control me? Why do I let them defeat me?
This isn’t anything new. Everyone wants to be enough. But the problem is, we want to be enough for everyone. And that becomes maddening.
I love that Jesus never cared about what people thought of him. There were people who loved him, and there were people who despised him. But he never let that define who he was on this earth. He knew who he was, and he was confident in who he was. And because of that, no other opinion mattered. He focused on what his Father thought of him. And if God the Father was pleased, so was he.
Because he chose to focus on one opinion instead of thousands, he walked in peace. He lived fulfilled. He knew his worth.
This doesn’t mean we get a free pass to do whatever we want and not be concerned with the impact it might have on others. Jesus was very intentional with others. He loved them. He healed them. He ate with them. He went to weddings with them. He invested in them. He died for them. For US. His mission was and is people. But he never let people determine his worth. He knew there was only one who could do that.
Today I took a step back and looked at my own life. I’ve started realizing that I’ve been focusing on the wrong opinion. Once again, nothing new here. But I every once in a while, I think we have to take a moment to reset and think about where our energy and focus truly is. And when you realize you’ve been giving more weight to people’s views of you than God’s view of you, it’s a wake up call.
I’m a lot of things on this earth. I’m a wife. I’m a daughter. I’m a sister. I’m a friend. I’m a dog mom. I’m a Pilates instructor. And there’s nothing wrong with any of those things. But the minute I start letting any one of those things become my identity, or start allowing people to define me by these things, I’ve started to lose the battle of insecurity. Of course, I want to be an excellent wife, daughter, sister, friend, dog mom, and Pilates instructor. But if I fail or succeed in any of those areas, it doesn’t define me or become my identity.
So who am I? Who does God say I am?
I am loved.
I am redeemed.
I am worthy.
I am wonderfully made.
I am known.
I am His daughter.
I am enough.
And I can simply be. Because being his daughter is enough.