Back To The Basics

Here’s a quick life update since I disappeared seven months ago…

I know I’ve been MIA, but a lot has been happening! As I mentioned in my last post, I am no longer coaching gymnastics. Back in October right after my shoulder surgery, I felt like that door was closing and another one was opening. I had no idea when or where, but I knew it was time to move on. Over the past three years, I’ve really wanted to pursue a career in teaching Pilates, but with my coaching schedule in the past, that was virtually impossible. But after I quit my job, my husband and I began researching Pilates certifications, and the Lord led me to the most AMAZING place. In January, I began my certification process, and I’m finishing my trainings this weekend! Now, I still have LOTS of teaching hours to get in before I test out to get my full certification in December, but I’m having a blast! Teaching Pilates has allowed me to reconnect with friends that I wasn’t in contact with for years! It’s been so challenging and out of my comfort zone, but this whole process has had Jesus written all over it. For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel confident in who He created me to be. And I love having the opportunity to live out my passion of fitness and teaching through becoming a Pilates instructor.

All that being said, I still have my passion for gymnastics. Always have, always will. It will always have a piece of me. And I’m okay with that. But more than that, I have a passion for gymnasts and hopefully helping them walk confidently and successfully through challenges that I’ve faced myself. Not just in gymnastics, but also in life. This confidence isn’t found in yourself or knowing all the answers to the difficulties you’re facing. It’s a confidence that Jesus has your back. NO MATTER WHAT.

I’m writing because Jesus reminded me of this in the most tangible way tonight. Long story short, the past three years have been the most difficult, yet most beautiful years of my life. In the past three years, I’ve struggled with ENORMOUS amounts of anxiety and fear. My family completely fell apart. Everything I grew up with for over 20 years suddenly collapsed. I started realizing the amount of anxiety I had wasn’t just because of the situation my family was in, although it amplified it to the max. I became keenly aware of the anxiety that has plagued me my entire life.

Add to that, I was planning a wedding and about to get married in the midst of all this. My sweet husband… I’m so thankful for his unconditional love and support through that time in my life. He is the most incredible gift God has ever given me. He’s the beautiful part of that story.

And so is Jesus. Now, coming out on the other side of things, I see Jesus’ love through it all. Even though it felt like He up and left me, He never did. He used my pain in that season of my life and made something beautiful out of it. He showed me my anxiety. Not to shame me. Not to hurt me. But to free me. He spoke to me during that time and I remember His words so clearly: “I care more about your freedom than your comfort.” I’m so thankful He was patient with me. In my crying, in my doubting, in my worst days, He was there fighting the battle against anxiety with me. And He still is…

All that to say, I still struggle with anxiety. It’s a billion times better than it was, but it likes to rear it’s ugly head from time to time. And some days that leads to me really struggling to understand God’s love.

You know the song you learned when you were a two-year-old, “Jesus Loves Me”?

Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

For the past few weeks, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought, “Maybe I just need to sing that song over my life again. Jesus loves me. But that’s so simple. That’s ridiculous…” I honestly kind of laughed at the thought.

I didn’t sing it. It was a fleeting thought. But it came more than once. And I dismissed it every time.

Fast forward to today. Hillsong Young & Free came out with a new album a couple of weeks ago. I really started digging in and listening to it today in my car. And it’s INCREDIBLE. Sean had a work meeting tonight, so I just hopped on my computer and wanted to play some music. I pulled up the album on Spotify and was scrolling through the songs.

#7 – Jesus Loves Me.

Um… What? I looked up the lyrics and lo and behold, it was a modern day version of the classic “Jesus Loves Me.” I felt Jesus smiling at me laughing a little. “Simple and ridiculous, huh, Tyler?”

It’s the simplest things sometimes. He’s the still small voice saying, “I love you.” And tonight, I want to remind you that He loves you, too. In your gymnastics, in your everyday life, He loves you. He’s got your back.

Sometimes we need to go back to the basics…

“Jesus loves me, this I know.”

Disappointment

I’m back! Sorry I disappeared for the last month. I’ve been recovering from shoulder surgery, and it was super difficult to type with one hand. My mom came into town for the first few days to help Sean take care of me, but for the past three weeks, it’s just been me, Sean, and the pups. Oh yeah… and my physical therapist who I have to see quite frequently so he can try to rip my arm off. At least that’s how it feels sometimes. Anyway…

The past month has been extremely difficult. For many reasons. Figuring out how to do life with one arm is tough. Like, I know my other arm is still there, but I can’t use it fully. Ugh! It’s been so frustrating! Sean had to wash my hair and still has to put it up for me (which seriously tests my patience because I really like to be in control of my hair). He had to help me get ready in the morning. He still has to make my bed for me on the couch at night because I can’t sleep in a bed quite yet without hurting. But as hard as this has been, I’ve discovered how incredibly amazing my husband is. I mean, I already knew that when I married him, but he just continues to get more and more amazing. He has truly taken care of me and loved me so deeply through this healing process. And this healing process is still another two months! Help me!!!!! But for real though. Sean is the most amazing human on planet earth. And I love him with everything.

Also in the past month, I made the decision that it was time to move on from coaching. I knew this day would come, but honestly I didn’t think it would be this soon. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control and you have to make the best decision for yourself.

This decision wasn’t easy. It was actually heartbreaking. I absolutely adore the girls I coached for the past year and a half. And it’ll be tough to not see them everyday. But after lots and lots of conversations with Sean, we decided it was time for me to pursue the other desires I’ve had in my heart for a while now. More about that later.

I say all that to say that disappointment has been like a shadow on my life lately and it just won’t seem to go away. My hope is getting tired and weary. My heart is struggling to make sense of it all. Even in the Message Version of the Bible it says, “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick…” (Proverbs 13:12). And I feel like that is the perfect description of me right now. Heartsick. The second part of Proverbs 13:12 sounds a lot better: “…but a sudden good break can turn life around.”

But… God! Where’s that good break! I need it! I need it like water in a desert! I mean, come on now. In one month, I’ve had surgery AND now I don’t have a job. I feel like I’m falling apart. Not to mention I haven’t even been able to try to find something else to do because I’ve been in a dumb sling. And I’m still recovering. For what seems like forever.

Even in all this pain (physical and emotional), somehow I still feel a glimmer of hope. I certainly don’t know all the answers. But one thing I am certain of is this: God, my Father, will take care of me. He’s not surprised by any of this. It hasn’t thrown Him for a loop like it has me.

How do I know this? Because He has always taken care of me. Even in my darkest moments. Even when I’ve felt like He wasn’t there. Like He had forgotten about me. He always has a plan and a purpose. Do I believe that He’s the one who has caused all this pain? Absolutely not. But I do know there is purpose in the pain. But what does that mean, exactly?

In the Bible in Romans 8:28, it says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God…”

I love God. I really do. And my goodness am I thankful that He causes everything to work together for my good. Because He loves me. So even though I’m not quite sure what this next season of life has in store for me, I know He does. I know He has a plan.

Honestly, this post doesn’t have a whole lot to do with gymnastics. But I think it very much can be applied to gymnasts. How many times in your gymnastics career have you been disappointed? Maybe it’s something you did. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was something completely out of your control.

I feel like disappointment is part of any sport that strives for perfection. Because when we start to put the standard of perfection on ourselves, we get disappointed. Everytime. Because we as people just aren’t perfect. But I’m here to tell you today that if you’re facing disappointment right now like I am, whether it’s in gymnastics, school, or maybe just life in general, there is hope. I’m waiting for it too. But I can tell you it’s coming.

Some of you might be reading this and going, “Um… how do you trust in something you can’t see? How do you know that God is real? And if He is real, how do you know He has good plans and not bad plans for you?” First of all, I know because the Bible tells me so. And I believe the Bible. Second of all, I know Him. Have I seen him? No. But I’ve felt Him. I’ve felt Him in ways that bring more comfort than any human or thing could ever bring.

If you don’t believe me, let me give you a challenge. This might sound weird, but do it anyway. When you’re by yourself, maybe in your room, maybe in the shower, I want you to talk to God. Talk to Him as if you would talk to a friend. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Ask Him to show you His love. Ask Him to bring you His comfort. And He’ll show up. I can’t explain it. I can’t tell you exactly what it’ll be like. But He’ll show up. Trust me.

My prayer for you is that you will experience love, peace, and comfort like you’ve never experienced before. God is there with you. Even in your disappointment. You just have to be willing to let Him into your life. He’s a perfect gentleman. He won’t barge in. But if you ask, He’ll be there in a moment. Because He loves you, too.

Injured? Remember These Things…

Injuries are awful. I hate them. I hate the uncertainty. I hate the waiting. I hate the patience they require. But goodness do we experience a lot of injuries as gymnasts.

I remember going to a doctor’s appointment one time and the doctor asking me to tell her all the injuries I had had. I looked at my mom with a look I’m pretty sure said, “Are you kidding me?! We’ll be here all day!” But, I sat there and did my best to go through each and every injury I had ever had as a gymnast. And let’s just say that’s a VERY long list.

If you name it, I’ve probably had it. Not to mention the two tears I currently have in my shoulder from spotting. So I’m having surgery in a month to fix that up. Basically all I’m trying to say is I’ve been there. I was pulled out of my level 10 state meet because I found out the week before I was supposed to compete that my back was fractured… for the third time. I missed an entire season because of a tear in my shoulder (completely unrelated to the ones I have now). I competed level 9 Eastern Nationals on a fractured arm (not recommending you do that.)

But injuries are something you have to be able to navigate as a gymnast. You have to learn to take care of your body. You have to learn to be patient and actually listen to your doctor… even though it’s not fun. At all.

I’m writing this to encourage you today. I want you to know that when you’re facing an injury and aren’t allowed to do anything, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through it. But there are some things you need to remember as you wait patiently for your injury to heal.

 

  1. It won’t last forever.

It’s so easy to get caught up in being miserable and bored because you can’t do anything. And because of that, it’s really easy to just ignore your doctor and do what you want. Please don’t do that! In the grand scheme of things, this injury is only a very short part of your gymnastics career. And if you push it too much, you might end up prolonging your injury even further, and I can tell you right now that you DO NOT want that! It’s much better to be patient (I know it’s hard) and listen to your doctor. Give your body the time it needs to heal. It won’t last forever. And you might even heal faster than expected if you do what you’re supposed to do! But it might last longer than you want it to if you jump back in too soon.

  1. You only get one body.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but the body you have now is the only one you get in this life! And it has to last! I know it might feel like a good idea to take your boot off your broken ankle so you can test it to see if it’s better yet, but DON’T DO IT! You need that ankle to last until you’re 100 years old! And if you push it now, you’re probably going to live in pain for a big chunk of your life. And it’s just not worth it. I promise you, you do not want to live in pain. And you do not want to have to have surgery because you didn’t take care of your body. I’ve been through both. It’s not fun.

  1. You have time to get stronger!

I know, I know. Conditioning isn’t fun. But in this sport, it’s 100% necessary. Use the time you would usually be spending on skills to keep your strength up, and maybe even gain a little! Your skills will be so much easier when you do get to come back if you keep on strengthening your muscles. If you get lazy and depressed because you “can’t do anything”, you’ll lose a lot of strength and your skills will be that much harder when you’re released to start training again. This time can be so beneficial if you’ll actually use it to your advantage!

 

Sometimes it’s tempting to lose hope and give up when you’re injured. Especially if it means you miss out on competing for a season. But I promise you’re going to be okay. I remember waking up with back pain every single morning, so much so that bending over to brush my teeth was excruciating. And I was only seventeen! I was so scared that I was going to have to live with that pain for the rest of my life. Now my injury did require surgery, but I remember a few weeks after surgery bending over to brush my teeth and all of a sudden realizing I wasn’t in pain anymore! It was amazing! But I had to be patient. I had to do what my doctor told me I needed to do.

Thankfully, most gymnastics injuries don’t require surgery like mine did, but they ALWAYS require patience. If you do what your doctor tells you to do, if you do your boring physical therapy, if you’re patient throughout the healing process, you’re going to wake up one day and realize that you’re not in pain anymore! Doing your skills will be fun again because they won’t be painful! So choose to be patient. I promise it’s worth it.

How To Conquer Your Fear

Fear is a word that causes something to rise up within us. There is never a warm fuzzy feeling that accompanies fear. Fear always has a negative connotation attached to it. And it is something we all face as humans. Fear is an instinct. We even rank our fears, because, for most of us, we don’t have just one. Have you ever been asked the question, “What is your worst fear?”

Typically when most people think of fear, they think of things like heights or spiders or snakes or public speaking. But if you’re a gymnast and the word fear is mentioned, skills start popping up in your head. Am I right?!

Fear is frustrating! Especially when you can’t explain exactly what you’re afraid of. Maybe it’s your acro series on beam. Maybe it’s your release on bars. Maybe it’s a mental block that you just can’t seem to get over on something that seems like it should be so simple. Fear is part of gymnastics. Gymnasts do some scary stuff! But all of us want to overcome our fears. We don’t want to just sit there and do nothing.

First of all, I want you to know that having fears is okay. It’s natural! Fear doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get that skill. It doesn’t mean that you’re stuck. You can overcome.

And you will overcome! I want to teach you the method I used as a gymnast to overcome my fears. And trust me. There were A LOT of them. And sometimes, this method wasn’t a quick fix. Sometimes this method took days. So be patient with yourself. Every step forward is a step toward conquering your fear!

  1. Decide.

Sometimes as gymnasts, we think that one day everything will just magically feel perfect and the fear will be gone. So until that perfect moment, we just wait. THEN when that moment comes, we can do it! WRONG. I hate to burst your bubble, but those moments never come. Unfortunately, fear doesn’t magically disappear. I wish it did. But it doesn’t.

What I can tell you though is that you have control over your fear. Sometimes we think our fear is so much stronger than it actually is and we start to let it control us. And when that happens, the breakdown comes. The tears start flowing. And we cry ourselves into exhaustion.

But there’s a better way! And no, I didn’t say easy, but it is SO much better. You have to decide. There comes a point in our fear that we have to decide which way this is going to go. Is fear going to control us? Or are we going to choose to control it? Once again, making this decision doesn’t make the fear disappear. But what it does do is put you in control of that fear. It’s still there, but it doesn’t get a say anymore. Make the decision before you get on that beam or before you climb up on that bar that you ARE going to do it. No matter what.

  1. Commit.

So now you’re up there. You’re heart is racing. But you’ve already decided that this is the time. This is the turn you’re going to do it.

Now, decisions mean nothing without action. The decision is just a step toward taking action. Once you’ve decided that you’re going to do it before you get up on the event, now it’s time to follow through by committing to the skill.

When you’re standing up on that beam or in front support about to cast up to a handstand on bars (can you tell my biggest fears were on beam and bars??), now is the time to commit. You’re NOT going to do another timer. When your fear says, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING????” in the middle of the skill, your decision and commitment are strong enough to kick in and say, “GO!” But you HAVE to be REALLY committed.

Easy, right? Ha! Not really. But it gets easier! The first time is always the scariest. After you commit once, committing to it the second and third and fourth time gets easier and easier. But you have to decide and commit that first time.

  1. Conquer.

This is my favorite one! Once you go the first time, you’ve conquered!!!! Now, the fear may not be completely gone, and you might have to go through the decision/commit process a few more times, but ultimately you have conquered the worst part of your fear! Your fear isn’t keeping you from going for it anymore! And that’s HUGE!

You are a conqueror! You are so much stronger than your fears. I challenge you to decide and commit to overcoming the fear that’s holding you back. I believe in you!

 

I want to hear about your challenges and successes! Please feel free to message me with more questions about overcoming fear OR to share a fear you’ve overcome!